“Marie, keep your head straight.” Penny was trimming the hair around Marie’s ears. She had already put the pink curlers all over Marie’s head. Her hair was so white and thin now, that her scalp was clearly visible. Penny could see her scalp getting pink and then pinker from how tight the curlers were pulling her hair. Marie insisted on Penny doing her hair every time her son would come to visit.
“Do you think they’ll stay for dinner this time? I don’t even know what I would make. You’ll have to take me to the market, Penny.” Marie was excited; excited, but nervous. Her son’s visits have spread farther apart the past few years. He has children of his own now, and with that, responsibilities. His oldest had just moved into an apartment, and he had helped paint the rooms. His son was 16, and they were working on a car for him to have when he got his license. Celia had told her all of these things, not Gerald. What does it mean when your son’s wife is your only source of communication? Of course, he’s busy, but too busy to talk to his mother?
“I can make some time in the morning, but I’ll want to be home by lunch time. How about pork chops? Everyone likes pork chops. And if they can’t stay, you could freeze them. You know, one at a time, for dinners.” Penny was spraying her hair. “I can come by in the morning, and take these curlers out. Then, we can drive to town to do your shopping. Do you need to go to the bank first?”
Of course, Marie had to go to the bank. Penny knew she didn’t keep any cash. And would she really think Marie would want to sleep with these hard curlers on her head all night? She would have to take them out tonight, and Marie would sleep in her recliner, so she didn’t flatten her curls.
“What we women go through for beauty,” was all she could say. Marie would sleep sitting up, because she wanted to look nice, but how much sleep would she get? She had arthritis and a bad back, yet she planned to sleep sitting up. She knew better than to try to convince her that she’d regret it. “Do you have any potatoes? Pork chops and mashed potatoes would be good.”
Penny walked to the pantry door, and opened it. She found the string hanging by the door, and pulled it. The single light bulb was dull, but bright enough to show the contents of the shelves; three canisters of oatmeal, a few boxes of noodles, a dozen or so cans of soups, and a bag of onions. It always irritated Marie when Penny walked through her house as though it were her own. “No, I don’t have any potatoes. I’ll need flour for the gravy, too. Get out of my pantry! You don’t see me poking around your house, do you?” Marie had a pad of paper and a pen. She was jotting down the things she would need to buy.
Penny smiled. “When would you be over poking around? You never come over anymore.” She closed the pantry door, and looked through the kitchen cabinets. “I guess it is time to go to the market. You don’t have much around here. Any coffee? Sugar? Tea bags? Do you have any toothpaste, Marie?”
“Get out of my cabinets, you busybody! Course I have toothpaste! And I just used the last of the coffee this morning. Or yesterday. Doesn’t matter, I don’t live on coffee.”
Penny sat back at the kitchen table. She looked around. Marie kept her house pretty clean. She might have to convince her to get different light bulbs, because all of the lights seemed too dim. It was a bit dusty above her refrigerator and the tops of her cabinet doors. She grabbed a kitchen towel, got it damp, and ran her finger over the dust. Marie was still writing her list, not paying any attention. “Want to run the vacuum, too? Would save me some time.”
“Nah, getting late. I’m ready for bed. Do you want me to take out these curlers tonight or just wait for the morning?” Not even waiting for the answer, she walked over to Marie. She picked up the scissors she used to trim her hair, and put them in her purse on the table. She started pulling the pins from the pink curlers, and putting them in a little pile. After pulling all of the pins, she started pulling out the curlers. “You call me when you’re ready to go shopping tomorrow. We’ll have to plan on getting you some aspirin while we’re out. You are going to have a sore neck if you really plan on sleeping in that chair.”
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Beautifully done, Kristy. You've crafted two believable characters and a credible relationship and grounded them in a setting that both provides a backdrop and helps drive the scene forward. Perhaps most striking is the dialogue itself -- these words ring true -- they sound not only like they could be spoken by real people, but that these specific people spoke them, if that makes any sense at all.
ReplyDeleteYou might still consider looking for places in which Marie's thoughts might still best be revealed through dialogue or action rather than internal monologue. The paragraph which begins "Of course Marie had to go to the bank" struck me as a possibility -- could a snapped phrase or sharp look say the same more powerfully?