Thursday, May 28, 2009

week 3 charcter introduction

As Rose sat in her old, comfortable chair watching another one of those commercials selling machines that turn fruit into juice on the shopping channel, she realized she hadn’t gotten the paper off of the porch yet. She pushed the pink and red afghan from her lap to the broad arm of the chair and slowly pushed herself to her slippered feet. She sat the remote control she held in her hand on the tidy little lamp table next to her chair. She stretched her aching back and shoulders and walked toward the front door slowly. Had she fallen asleep watching infomercials? It was later in the evening than she had realized, and she was so glad to have her slippers on to keep her feet warm. The days were getting warmer, but the evenings and nights were still cold enough to make her joints ache. The light from the television and the lamp next to her chair lit the area she sat in, but that small circle of light seemed to make the rest of her home seem even darker. As she walked through the dining room toward the front door, she paused to turn on the light. She turned toward the door, and saw the empty dining table. She considered how long it had been since she served a meal to her family at this table. Surely fifteen years had passed since the children insisted on serving their own holiday meals at their own homes. Then she wondered if she had eaten dinner yet. Oh, she thought, the paper would be there in the morning. She turned to the kitchen to make herself a can of soup.

2 comments:

  1. Lovely, somewhat saddening, but lovely

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  2. Yes -- sad an lovely -- very nice. My tip: break it down. This one paragraph carries us from waking to the dining table, potentially burying details along the way. Where are the pauses here -- places in which readers might stop for breath, or in which there's movement, physical or emotional. You don't want to shatter it into a half-dozen short paragraphs -- don't get me wrong. But where might a pause give greater weight to a key thought, detail or emotion?

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